I enjoy spending time with Offensive Charmer, he's easy to talk to even when challenging me about the reasoning behind my desires. Which I also like, of course. We bounced ideas off each other over dim sum on an over-hot Saturday afternoon, dissecting my mildly conflicted attitude to topping, his feelings on objectification and whether or not the English language has enough words to properly describe the gamut of BDSM relationships (we thought not).
We're still developing our own project which should work in a very different way to anything I've done before. He's very interested in what makes me tick, all the secret underneath bits that constitute my identity. The game will be about me revealing those, and by doing so, becoming vulnerable in an extremely personal way. There will also be a certain amount of rules about behaviour with domestic service as punishment (which I don't particularly enjoy, and that is rather the point).
I'm excited about this because rather than control being exerted over my body or over my submissive self, the power play operates within me. I was bullied quite badly as a child and so to actively hand over levers to my own doubts and worries is something that I work hard to avoid. I cultivate confidence and try to let the criticism of others wash over me. Which it never really does. And therein lies the power-play. Being so open to someone like this will be frightening and yet, I also think, very liberating.
5 weeks ago