Yet I'm not thirsty. Water, of course, being the medium of sexuality that all crystal-ball peerers tell us it is. I'm a Scorpio, if anyone cares. A currently not especially horny Scorpio, which may mean I'm letting the side down. I honestly couldn't tell you what is driving this and I'm slightly concerned. Usually I end up leading the charge of an evening but having left things to their own devices there is the daily routine of home-dinner-bed. To sleep.
Nothing wrong with that, of course. If you are poorly. Or under some sort of mind control. Or a nun. It's not that I don't have sexual fantasies - I do, although as previously noted they are most definitely of the dominant variety these days. I'm still in need of an orgasm before going to sleep (better than a nightcap, less likely to lead to alcoholism) and a morning kick-start beneath the duvet is almost as good as a double espresso and a pain au chocolat. So I'm probably masturbating more. Mentally and physically all the drives are there. Yet it is all very self-centered, I suppose. There's no real input required from someone else, and although on one level it would be nice if someone was there, I'm not sure I'm particularly driven towards doing anything that is merely nice.
Fundamentally, I feel as if I have lost some passion - the need for kink or even just sex is at a serious low. As I said above, this is making me a little concerned. But I do mean a little. I'm worried because I think I should be worried, because I've always considered sexuality as an important part of my make-up and a change like this suggests a sea-change elsewhere. Yet I'm not exactly losing sleep over it (possibly due to the soporific effects of orgasm?) It's as if part of my mind is telling me to relax, that it's ok, that I'm just having a break, or a pause. A time aside from it. I'm keeping my body and mind refreshed with frequent "personal time" and everything else can go hang for the moment.
Needless to say, unless I am spurred into action by something out of the blue, that may mean this blog becomes a bit more theoretical for the moment, but bear with me. I'll be right back with you.
Abandoned to his fate in inescapable rope
3 months ago