Lying face down on Ethical Hedonist's bed at some point in the early hours of the morning, feeling a little annoyed at my failure to orgasm because of my standard issue difficulties. I got tied to a wall and caned until I cried instead: when asked what I wanted, I said "play". It was an interesting decision to make on my part, to go specifically for pain rather than pleasure, but I needed a definate something and in the absence of one, the other worked. The caning itself was, as usual, exruciating, and I kept shying away and having to be turned around. The feeling after was worth it, legs collapsing a little from under me, falling back into bed and into his arms.
The doesn't usually bother me, but it is at the moment. I know it can be something of an uphill struggle, especially with a new partner and I do feel that it can come across as odd for them, almost ungracious, perhaps? I always try and explain and be upfront about it. It's certainly not that I don't enjoy fucking or fingersex or any sex at all. I really, really do, I just don't climax very easily, masturbation aside, of course.
I'm not embarrassed by it and I never fake an orgasm. I don't think there is either a physical or a pyschological issue, it's not lack of stimulation or a defunct nervous system, but just the way I am. This does make things like forced or denied orgasm an even more intriguing area to play in, and it's something that I do want to work on. I think that time will tell and as I become more used to my partners, it will get easier. Or harder. Depending on which way you look at it.
1 week ago