I've been having a few conversations recently regarding swtiching. I identify as a submissive, and with the right person, that is certainly what I like doing and find comes most naturally to me. I do enjoy rough roleplay that involves a certain amount of fighting back and once the adrenaline is flowing I can get into a headspace where the power and control starts to become attractive.
The Photographer and I have had one or two IM conversations in which I have gone through the verbal process of me topping him. Given that he switches, and that I am prepared to try mostly anything once, we started to talk briefly about how he could serve me as my submissive. I gave him instructions on how he was to behave around me, how to stand, kneel and generally look pleasing. Doing this textually was suprisingly difficult and I hesitated a lot. I felt a little silly adopting the "Mistress" monicker as it just didn't feel like me. Yet the more he used it, the better and more appropriate it became.
The next night, when we met up I had no intention of acting out any of this, however there was a little bolshiness in the back of my mind which made me move away when he went to kiss me. This got us wrestling and eventually ended up with me astride him on the bed and a look came over his face. A kind of sought-after giving up, a softening around the features. Letting go. And as I leant over to kiss him he moved up to greet me eagerly, so I teased him, not letting him kiss me fully, seeing how far I could push it. We played like that for a while, and I started to feel more confident in moving him around, telling him what to do. All the time, I kept on wondering, and wanting, him to get frustrated with what was happening and just push me over. But he didn't. I made him lick my clit, one hand holding his face close into me. I played with his cock and anus as he crouched on all fours like a dog, it was good to be able to calmly investigate his body and I revelled in the sounds he was making. That I was making him make. I fucked him whilst he lay on his back, then got him to fuck me until eventually he had an orgasm.
I enjoyed the feeling of being so obviously desired and of the pleasure I was receiving. But I didn't feel satisfied, the sensations alone were not enough to make me orgasm, and although I came close, something was lacking. I felt a little lost and alone every now and then, I'd feel a little unsure as to what I should do next. I certainly wasn't horribly uncomfortable with what I was doing: the physical process was much easier than the short D/s roleplay we had done online. I was pleased, but not fulfilled; happy, but not content.