For a variety of too tedious to mention real-life occurrences I haven't played with anyone or had sex for over a week and it is making me tense, to say the least. Recent posts have been backlog clearing, in case anyone is checking dates and times. I also won't have the opportunity to do anything about it for a few days. The prospect does not fill me with joy.
Lack of sex makes my brain go funny, I get moody and anxious. This is a known problem, so I accept that it's happening, although that doesn't help overmuch. In my experience nothing beyond a good fuck is able to alleviate the symptoms; I expect that some heavy play would also work, but those are both difficult to achieve at the moment. Masturbation is taking the edge off and preventing me from actually exploding. Regular sex makes me happy. Lack thereof makes me unhappy. Simple enough, surely? Maybe not.
If it was just an urge to orgasm, then masturbation would satisfy, but this is not the case. I think that part of it is the need for a physical re-negotiation of pair bonding, This is made more obvious by the fact that my anxiety can be sometimes directed at the relationship itself, in an (unhelpful) mental-knock on effect which can be roughly translated as "you haven't had sex with this person in a while, what's wrong?" There is also an endorphin low that chocolate will not satisfy: the need for pure physical exertion and to switch my brain off and just fuck or play, experience pleasure. I'm very tactile and sense orientated and so I miss a lot of the ancillary moments: the taste of salt on skin, the feel of hands on my breasts, kissing. I'm also dreaming of pain, in a not-very-compensatory input from my subconsciousness. I feel literally out-of-touch, a sort of bodily loneliness. The bed is too big.
5 weeks ago