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The online diary of an ethical pervert.

Tuesday, 5 August 2008

Object of the exercise

The Photographer is fucking me, I'm lying very still, on my back with my legs folded up and spread. I'm not tied, collared or restricted in any way beyond the fact that his presence expects my compliance. I imagine myself to be a toy, doll or object of some description. The very lack of chains or cuffs increases the fantasy: why tie up a table or manacle a machine? In past discussions he's tried to get me out of the habit of thinking about being fucked, and more about being used, and this also contributes to the overall sensation of not being totally present, of being a body with sensations, without control. I like it. It's been a while since I last had sex, I'm wet and I've been anticipating this for the past few days. I am luxuriating in the moment, wishing it to extend out for as long as possible.

It's late, the room is very dark and we are both totally silent. The only noises are our breathing and the occasional moan. This carries a certain intensity that I'm enjoying very much. We've been fucking for a while and I'm being carried away with the rhythm: in the absence of all other stimulus his cock is very much the centre of my attention. I move against him, matching his thrusts to increase his satisfaction, which of course increases mine, a steady pressure in my cunt suddenly builds to something quite different and unexpected. My leg muscles spasm and the feeling of him within me switches rapidly between being pleasurable and painful and back again: orgasmic sensations. I've hardly ever felt this during sex, and so am somewhat surprised. As it turns out I don't climax, but I get the distinct impression that it just got an awful lot easier.

I think there's an element of us becoming more attuned to each other, which is nice and compliments developments in our relationship. The Photographer is convinced that it's because I had to wait for over a week between fucks and that sort of deprivation might be "good" for me. There's a certain allure in his following offer, and we'll discuss it at length, I'm sure, but there is also a part of me that thinks more practice might also be a viable option.

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