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The online diary of an ethical pervert.

Saturday, 12 July 2008

Hiatus

I've had a little time to myself recently, away from partners and games. I did wonder briefly whether this space would make me rethink any of my actions, and that perhaps on my return I'd be less keen, having had the room to contemplate without distraction. Because I've been out of the scene for a while and only recently returned, I had a slight niggling doubt that perhaps I might no longer be interested in it. That I was only back out of some half hearted urge to rekindle old sensations and that, once removed again, I wouldn't miss them.

Fortunately this didn't occur, quite the opposite, confirming what I had long suspected: being kinky is hardwired in. I have tried vanilla, and I tried quite hard, but it didn't work. No harm done. My sexual palate has not atrophied and I still have a hankering for something a little stronger, something with bite.

This is reassuring to me, I've made the right choice. I'm not dabbling, I'm not having some kind of extreme reaction to the end of a long relationship, I'm not here at someone else's behest. I'm where I'm supposed to be, where it feels right. I'm excited and energised, tanatalised by possibilities, playfully calm.

I'm here to stay.

2 comments:

Louie Monkey-Pest said...

Congratulations on coming to that realization. Kinksters all over the world struggle with whether it would just be easier to just have plain boring vanilla lifestyle. Here is the same rumination by NYC Dominatrix Troy Orleans: http://troyorleans.blogspot.com/2008/06/whence-kinky.html

The answer, time and time again, is no.

Mr F relates said...

I'm not sure to what degree kink is hard wired, having arrived at a full kinky state when relatively old and only with considerable help from the internet - I would guess I could have remained 'just a little bit kinky' indefinitely without this new mental stimulation.

What I do know is, you can't put the genie back in the bottle.