Patience

I'm playing a waiting game at the moment, and it's frustrating. I'm waiting for my piercings to heal, I'm waiting to spend some quality time with The Photographer and waiting for potential play with Ethical Hedonist and Lovely Couple (drinks arranged for a fortnight hence).

There's a real physical response to this anticipation. I have an almost constant fluttering sensation in my solar plexus, bubbles of anxiety and excitement rolled into one. I haven't felt this way for a while: at the same time both focused and all over the place. Shock of the new. People keep commenting on how well I'm looking recently, which I have to smile about and bluff a little when they ask why.

I like keeping secrets, it makes the game more fun. But like standing on the edge of a high platform and resisting the urge to throw yourself off, I have to press down the desire to just tell everyone: "I'm going crazy with the anticipation of being tied up, hurt and fucked."