Form and function

I am now pierced.

I was pretty nervous, even though I knew I wanted them done, I just wanted it to be done, however the lady at the piercers was very good at putting me at ease, and we chatted through the process. I stripped to the waist and she drew two dots on either side of my nipples to mark the entry and exit points, we then scrutinised these in a mirror to check they were straight. I lay down on one of those medical couches, and stared at the ceiling whilst being encouraged to breathe. Using a thin pair of foreceps with small holes in the pincer part she clamped my nipple in place, lining the holes up with the drawn on dots. I continued to stare at the ceiling. She pierced with a needle first, and then worked the ring through it, so the pain came in two stages: one very hot and intense and another that took slightly longer, was a little more wriggly and so hurt more. The process was repeated on the other breast and the whole thing took about two minutes. There was a lollipop for being brave, which was a lovely touch and the sugar helped.

Even now, only a few hours later, I'm struggling to put to mind the exact nature and depth of the pain itself. Oddly I did also feel it in the centre of my chest, and there still is a certain tightness there, like having a chest cold almost, and every now and then I need to take a large breath, possibly because I'm subconsciously breathing more shallower than usual to avoid moving my breasts much. There's no bleeding, and not much swelling. My nipples are tender and I'm very aware of them in a similar way to a burn: like a burn they also feel a little warm, but that might be my imagination.

I like the idea of transformation into order to become something, and it sits very nicely with the doll project, although unlike the doll this is relatively permanant. The doll is a mask I put on and it is easy to seperate myself from it. The piercings are part of a structural alteration to my body, like the exercise I do to keep my stomach flat. I will always know they are there, and will be able to see and touch them. They are also clearly sexualised as they don't really have any other function, except to look good, so help define me as being a sexual object.

I am glad of the process - it was painful, I wouldn't chose to experience that pain without a reward for it. Which these are, like marks of pride, badges of honour. They are also a definition of what I want to be and how I hope to become, rather than getting them as part of a body modification project or for aesthetic values (though I think they are very pretty) they are here to be used