In BDSM, as in life, it's nice to know where you stand (or kneel). I'm very fond of clarity, and do my best to be as clear and direct as possible, especially when it comes to talking about what I do and don't enjoy. The difficulty is that whilst labels help, they only help up to a point. And then they become constricting. More like a starter for 10 than the be-all and end-all. But we do use them. because if nothing else they help kick-start the conversation.
I'm as guilty of this as the next person, and I've ticked boxes with the best of them. I try and work around this with expansion and addendum, but the real issue is that I'm still exploring; I'm attracted to different things from different people, and whilst some are more frequent flyers than others I have no desire to stop looking, to stop trying.
Language is a mutually agreed shared simulation and the words we use to describe ourselves become our identity so when we fix ourselves with a category, do we start to live up, or down, to the reputation? It happens all the time in day-to-day life: someone repeatedly told they are useless will start to believe it so, and positive comments from those around us can make one glow all day.
I'm not saying that our labels don't hold some truth, or that they are entirely imposed from the outside. That would be a terrible thing, and I certainly am not implying that our identities, needs and wants are not real. I absolutely intend to say what I mean and mean what I say, but there are roads untraveled. A good example is my ongoing flirtation with girls. I kiss girls a lot. I've had dalliances with a few, and played with one or two. I wouldn't stamp myself with the word "bisexual" however, although I want to do more so neither do I feel able to wear the "cocks only beyond this point" T-shirt. I'm open to options. And also to a wider range of words to discuss these options.
2 weeks ago