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The online diary of an ethical pervert.

Thursday, 18 June 2009

Hard to beat

The Photographer offered me a beating, with a crop, a few days back, and of course, I could not resist. I was hoping for the long, slow, build up variety but got more of a short, sharp shock which was a little difficult to handle. I am interested in pain, really interested in pain, but I need a good warm up before I can enjoy any sort of impact, being a thin-skinned girl and all that. So, sadly, it wasn't long before it all got too much and we had to stop.

I'm slightly worried about this - that I might be somehow out of practice or no longer able to take the same lengths of beatings that I've enjoyed in the past, hoping for the former rather than the latter. The Photographer mentioned that he thought that beatings were more of a club activity, than something for the bedroom, because it is a "safe" activity to do in public. I can see his point, but can't say that I entirely agree. For a start, we don't go out nearly enough to make that kind of play the regular activity I'd like.
I also think that play in public can often be a little distracting, and I like the intensity of the connection between myself and my partner when I'm being hurt, I like the feeling of being alone with just them, plus there's the fact that you can move on easily to other activities, like fucking, which are great to do when bits of your skin are hot and tingling.

For me, pain is as much a part of being a submissive as serving or being used - it's an important sign of my submission, after all, it's easy (and very pleasurable) to lie back, hold my cunt open and be used. Less easy to hold myself in place and be hurt. I want to do more, to explore more. I like how it takes my breath away, the strength and sharpness of it, the intensity and focus of the feeling. I love feeling my eyes widen, hearing myself gasp and the way my flesh moves suddenly to being red-hot and alive with sensation. The physical reaction is a huge component - I don't need pain to be a part of a scene, or contextualised into a Ds punishment scenario (not saying I don't want that, just it's not a requirement for me).

I especially like the combination of pain and pleasure - of having the two there at the same time or alternating. I've been trying to think about good ways to describe it, and keep coming up with lines on a polygraph - smooth ones for the sultry build of pleasure and sharp jagged ones for the shock of pain. The two melding together just sends my brain into a completely different place, a happy prisoner of my body.

More please, Sir?

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