Recently come into my possession are two documents. One was sent to The Photographer and myself from Welsh Dom (he in whom we place the reins of pony play fantasy, amongst other things) and is an extremely comprehensive list of BDSM activities, arranged alphabetically. There was a guide to completing it: alongside ranking the activity from 0-5 with a "no" option to set it as a hard limit there were spaces for notes, previous experiences and a little code to use for likely types of comments such as "D" for "discuss beforehand". We filled it in together, stretched out on the bed, alternatively frowning or giggling whilst we remembered one activity or the other.
I enjoyed it as a theoretical exercise and it could certainly be the basis of a lot of interesting conversations (though never a replacement for them). It was good to contextualise in such a clear fashion what we were and were not keen to do when we actively seek to submit to other people. Penetrative sex was an area of concern, aside from the standard infection-and-babies worries we both thought that there were things we might like to keep as just between us. That said, neither of us would want to cut down the opportunities for an exciting and engaging scene with sexual content (as it might say on the box set) but sex isn't the be-all and end-all of this aspect of our explorations.
I wonder if this might not be a useful ongoing document, to see how our tastes change, if they do, over time and with experience. I am a great believer in discussing and evaluating play, keeping what worked, improving or rejecting what didn't and thus far I've learnt a great deal not just in scenes but after them, talking to others about how they felt.
The second piece of electronic paper on my virtual desktop is a small questionnaire, written in a very open style, inviting my comments on a few points from my perspective as a female submissive who is in a heterosexual relationship. They centre on ideas such as self/identity, empowerment and gender, so certainly play well into my favoured arenas. Unlike the hierarchical and codified table, this is taking me a lot longer to complete as I'm also able to be much more free flowing and associative in my responses. It is also something of a mood piece, and I keep going back and adding or amending my notes. Eventually when I've worked through them I will probably put a truncated version here because they are interesting questions. Whether what I've said is of any use or value to the person who asked originally remains to be seen, but I'm very keen to take part in the discussions, if and when they occur.
5 weeks ago