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The online diary of an ethical pervert.

Wednesday, 5 November 2008

Letting go

One of the things that struck me about playing with Different Drummer was his level of trust in me, which I've been thinking about recently. He told me later that he had never let go in a similar fashion before, ever, and it seemed as if it had been quite an intense experience for him, physically and emotionally. At the time, I could tell he was enjoying himself, certainly, but because he had been the one to ask for that particular sensation, and that particular type of bondage I didn't feel entirely in control or that he was entirely in my hands. I can see now that's probably not precisely how it felt to him.

I feel quite proud that he was able to do that with me, that he felt secure enough with me. Admittedly we have known each other for a while, but still, it feels like a big thing, and I'm pleased that I was able to do that for him (to him?) It gives me a retrospective feeling of dominance that I did not have especially at the time but can bask in a little now. Part of my own love of submission comes from the fact that I don't often get the chance, in my day-to-day life to let go, to allow someone else to be in control, so I feel as if I can empathise.

Benefits of switching, I guess. Although I think there can be a problem with second guessing or if there are incompatible expectations. I didn't have any particular expectations when I went into this particular session, and certainly didn't expect to be topping (in whatever limited sense) but was quite glad that, rather than be thrown, I was actually genuinely interested and excited in exploring his sensations in that way and it was very different to the planned scenes I have done in the past - more of a physical game than a D/s situation. I didn't speak much, for example and certainly there were no titles or acts of obeisance.

Maybe for another day?

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