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The online diary of an ethical pervert.

Friday, 31 October 2008


Human interactions are always a constant source of fascination to me, perhaps I missed my calling as a social anthropologist, although that said, it is only a very narrow field of activity that concerns me here. What the Americans (and we British, lately, it would appear) call "dating". I am making a bid to have the much lovelier word "courting" reintroduced but have thus far failed to make substantial inroads.

To make it perfectly plain, I neither court nor date in a vanilla context. Hand on heart, I have learned my lesson in attempting any form of conversion and the vital importance of being explicit up front. For all parties, it's for the best. But this post is not about me (for once) it instead concerns the complexity of finding a Dom who is interested in playing with men as well as women (ok, perhaps it is a little bit about me).

I've come across an interesting phenomenon (amidst the men actually looking for couples or the male half of a couple looking for, well, other couples), the ones which seem to have at their core the desire to attract women, rather than men in a curious version of girl-kissing-gets-the-boys. These are the men who want to cuckold other men, humiliating them in the process of fucking their wife or partner. Of course, there is nothing wrong with this fantasy in and of itself, but it works in a way which isolates and sidelines the submissive male to a voyeur at best and an unwanted, unnecessary third wheel at worst. It is a very specific desire and drive which is different from wanting to play with another man: here the male submission is not a thing-in-itself but rather a vehicle through which the woman is the target. There's an old fashioned-ness to it and certainly the lover placing horns on the sad defeated male has hundreds of years of precedent, and it is, to my mind, absolutely heterosexual.

Suffice to say, that the hunt for hot bi men to bully The Photographer continues...

1 comment:

Mr F relates said...

The subject of bi men is an interesting one. Generalised homophobia discourages many men from admitting to bi feelings at all so perhaps it is easier for gay men to be a bit bi than for 'straight' men, who fear that admitting to any sexual attraction to other men will mean they will be labelled a 'faggot'.

Speaking subjectively (and how else can we speak),I have only ever had the serious hots for two men and in neither case did any action occur. My gay or bi experiences are the result of curiosity and a wish to act out fantasies (gay fantasies can be hot) and the reality has never quite matched the fantasy.

In group sex scenarios, the women may be expected to play with each other as well as the men, while the men often avoid each other. (Two men fucking one woman, one in the mouth and the other in the cunt does not count as a bi experience for the men, does it?)

As for heterosexual couples in scenes - it is 'not fair' for everyone involved if the men avoid getting it on with each other but expect the women to do so.

And as one of the hottest things about sex (if not the hottest thing) is enabling a partner to get off, male on male action would be infinitely hotter for me if I believed my female partner was encouraging and getting off on my behaviour. If my female partner was simultaneously indulging in girl on girl stuff the combined orgasmic potential could be immense...