I don't top often, and certainly at the moment, I only top The Photographer. Like most things, the more often you do it, the more comfortable you become with it, and I am becoming more comfortable. Initially, it was very exploratory - trying to see whether I could do it, becoming interested in the feelings of control and how it was to absorb myself in the process of drawing out someone else's pleasure and pain instead of submersing myself into mine. The difference in how it felt began as a somewhat intellectual exercise, but as I've progressed (I like to think I'm improving as I go along) it has become more of a personal pleasure. I like taking him out, showing him off. I like the shudders that he makes, and the little noises as I play with him.
Almost all of the noises.
When we start to play, there is often some giggling on his part, which throws me. I know that he's not laughing at me or what I'm doing, however it's difficult, because we are both getting into the moment and so we're both nervous. So he laughs, a little, and I get upset, a little. Or also start to giggle. Which between the two of us does not make for a great start, however we both enjoy playing these different roles, once we're in place. We're working through ways of dealing with it - protocol, rules of engagement and blindfolds help. Reminders and signs of the games we are playing.
5 weeks ago