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The online diary of an ethical pervert.

Tuesday, 11 January 2011

Get wet Part 2

Dominance is decisiveness. Whether it's actual control or the illusion of control (not that realistically that makes much difference in how it comes across), you need to translate thought into action. I remember frequent moments of anxiety or inability to move or speak when submitting, the pleasure and release in not having to do things. Now the boot is on the other foot: the pleasure is in the process of want-take-have: that I give orders and they are obeyed, that people look to me for those orders.

"Come along then"

One on either side, holding my hands like a balanced pair. Dandy and Marionette. They look good together, one masculine, broad and strong, the other delicate, petite and feminine. They follow quietly, a little meekly too, which makes me feel protective of them, "bigger" in contrast to them.

I hadn't played with Marionette in any depth before, so her body was still new to me and I was starting to explore the limits of what I could do, which meant that each touch, each decision was an experiment, a gamble, in effect. I was betting my knowledge of how pain, pleasure and control works against the uncertain realm of her her own physicality and experiences.
Earlier, holding her head in my hands I'd lightly tapped her cheeks with my hands. My first gamble, I expect there will be more. In this case it paid off: her eyes widened in shock then lazily closed, mouth open in a classic slack-muscle submissive response. Perfect.

There wasn't a lot of time or space for intimate D/s or particularly psychological play,
especially with the distractions of friends watching (in some cases holding up fingers to indicate scores). Kinky sex. Emphasis on the fucking. A preliminary, exploratory, threesome by the side of the pool. I used Dandy as my "spare pair of hands" casting him in the henchmen role that suits me well and looks good on him. The control is therefore two-fold. I use him to use her; I use both their bodies to satisfy me.

Although the scene was sexy and I was enjoying myself, it was a dominant enjoyment. The control I had over the pair of them that turned me on. I liked the ownership of their responses and actions. It was a more intellectual instead of a direct physical enjoyment (although I did enjoy the feel of their skin, kissing, licking and the echoes of her pain responses). There was also a visual enjoyment - the look on their faces, the shapes of their bodies. Finally, there was an emotional component from the power trip. Rather than the blank, experiential subspace, I had a more abstracted domspace, one in which I was concentrating fiercely, focusing on noise, shivers and movements. If subspace is an empty blackness that feels like free fall, then this sensation was more like a deliberate trajectory, a line I was drawing or the act of writing.

We ran through a litany of brief sexual positions: her in-between us either sucking his cock or my cunt, the other fucking her with a glass dildo or bullet vibe on the clit. Then I moved into voyeur / director mode and let Dandy place clamps with bells on her nipples to jingle and make noise for me. The sex had become foreplay for S&M, a natural warm up. I joined in to test her reactions as he bent her over the banister to administer a spanking, light CP alongside some tweaking and stroking of her flesh. Because we were all new to each other there was a difficulty in finding orgasm, which is an accustomed "scene ending" device. This meant that I called closure when I felt we were done. It still felt somewhat incomplete, to my mind, but perhaps that is a mark of my own relative inexperience with her.

I know that I will be able to push for more next time. And I know she will take it.

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