Better bondage bunny-ing

One of the reasons I help run Peer Rope London (apart from the fact that I don't do nearly enough rope and require more riggers in my life) is that I wanted to encourage more people to take an active interest in the "being tied up" side of things so as well as meeting and greeting on the doors I'm also a sort of Bunny Mummy. I did a talk - with some other ropey people - on how to be tied up. I'm fairly passionate about this, because I think it's something that is often undersold or misrepresented.The talk went down really well and I got a lot of comments afterwards so thought it might be worthwhile writing up the things we said and discussed before they fall out of my brain.

Before you engage with any kinky activity you should have a good idea of your physical and emotional state, rope is no different. Physical first: run down a checklist of your body. How does it feel, are you generally in good health, do you have any injuries or illnesses that might be affected by being tied up? Have you had anything to eat or drink, especially any alcohol or drugs? Some people are happy playing whilst high or after a quick gin, but its probably not a good idea to do it whilst wasted.

Doing some basic stretching is a really good idea - this will also help you do a spot check on your body, whether you have any aches, pains or strains. Other things to consider include known ways in which your body reacts, for example my fingers are often cold. Someone who has never tied me up before might assume that indicated a problem, when in fact I just have crappy circulation. Next, think a bit about you - how do you feel today: are you happy or a bit down? Are there psychological factors that might come into play during a rope session, such as claustrophobia, nausea or do you have any triggers about being touched or played with in a certain way.

Once you've sorted yourself out, then you need to locate a rigger. They come in all shapes, sexes and sizes, perhaps you have already brought one with you who you know well, or you might be on the prowl for one in a club. Once you've found one you need to talk with them before they tie you up and tell them the things discussed in the paragraph above. It might also be good to let them know if you've been tied up before, and if so, what kind of ties and how it felt. Once you feel like you are both on the same page about where you want to go with rope then there can be actual tying.

Then check out the place you are going to be tied with your rigger. Maybe hold their hand if you like. Remember that you are as responsible for your safety as much as the rigger. Before you are tied up make sure that the area is safe, that the rig is secure if you're being tied to something. Check that there's no objects you might fall onto - glass for example. Think about what you are wearing - is it comfortable, do you have free movement? I like being tied naked, with heels to pivot around on. Other people might not. Remember to take off your jewellery or precious things that might fall out of your pockets. Perhaps give them to the rigger to look after - if you don't trust them to hold your stuff, you probably shouldn't let them tie you up.

There's also a point worth making about sexual consent - agreeing to be tied up does not mean you've automatically agreed to strip naked, be groped, or spanked or played with. You might want these things - and if you do then speak up and I'm sure people will be more than happy to oblige, but if you really don't then say so. Riggers are not psychic and what one person thinks is a light casual spanking is possibly out of bounds for someone else.

There is a bit of a myth (more on rope myths later) that rope bunnies should be nice, quiet compliant things like ragdolls in riggers arms. This is bunk. You can be like that if you want - and sometimes it's very nice to let go and be an absent submissive, but there's no law against speaking up. If there's a problem remember that your rigger is still not psychic. You need to say how the rope feels, especially if there is a problem for instance if it's pinching too tight or there's too much pressure (sometimes pain or constriction is good - but it might be unintentional). Feedback is really important. Finally, you should feel confident in approaching riggers, rather than waiting like a wallflower to be asked to dance.

I was talking about rope tying speed with someone on my Twitter and we discussed rope as a dance, which is a great metaphor. In a lot of ballroom or similar danceforms one person is the lead (the rope top) but both are dancing and both are responsible for what goes on and how good it looks and feels. As a bunny, you are part of what is happening - and that means that you get to input into it. There are different styles of bunny-ing. Some people like to struggle, others want to relax into the ropes. You might find that you react differently to different riggers, or on different days of the week. That's fine. Rope is a participatory activity, you are a partner in this. Like dance, the more you do it with one particular person the more you will come to know the way they move and you will get better together.

Finally, whilst we're at it I'm going to do some more myth busting.

Suspension / Shibari is the Gold Standard of rope. No. They are nice and I really like both of them but whatever rope you like is the right sort for you. It's not a competition to be "the best" at rope, it's about enjoying yourself.

You are too fat / tall / big / western to be suspended. Lies. Lies. Lies and lazy riggers or riggers who only want to suspend that tiny pretty Japanese girl over there in the vain hope that she will fuck them (she won't). Anyone can be suspended. You just need more rope. Size doesn't come into it, neither of the bunny nor the rigger. The awesome Ms Tytania can lift a rhino using the power of her rope and cunning use of pulleys.

If you tie on a nerve / if your fingers go cold your arms will drop off and you will die. We had a physio in the group and did quiz him on this and he assured us all that actually it's pretty damn hard to cause a serious injury by just tying on a nerve. It might hurt and you might have a sore or numb arm for a bit, but you should be fine. This isn't an excuse to not speak up if the rope is uncomfortable, however there is no need to panic.

If you are suspended upside down for longer than five minutes your head will drop off you will have a heart attack and die. I have no idea where this came from. Naturally there is an inherent risk in everything that we do, like crossing the road. You can be upside down for longer than this, different people will react in different ways. Your general well being, or even how much you have had for dinner, will affect this. Communicate to your rigger and let them know if you are starting to feel uncomfortable. Go by you and how you feel, not the time on a watch.

Happy bunny-ing!