Judder

Remember the advert for Metz that did the rounds a few years back? Certainly more memorable than the drink itself, which I believe is some sort of alcopop dreadfulness that we imbibed in our pre-cocktail innocence. Before we understood proper drinks. Anyhow, the important point is the evil temptations of icy Fae which I took as a direct inspiration for my stage show at Kinky Salon. Each time I do a performance I feel as if I am constantly upping the ante, and also developing my own skills in whatever sort of live "art" it is that I'm doing - I suppose it's some sort of cabaret crossed with live sex and a bit of torture porn thrown in. That's how I'm going to describe it in future, at any rate.

This time I had an idea in my head but was somewhat uncertain as to the logistics of how to go about doing it. I wanted to do live boy-fucking with an icicle dildo whilst dressed as a Jack Frost drag king. So far, so normal. Stage one was relatively easy, recruit likely looking chap, in the form of Boy Wonder. Stage two involved making ice dildos, from which I learnt that water is not an ideal sculpting material, but that condoms and rubber bands will eventually produce something that will sit relatively happily - though quite cold against the pubis - in a strap on harness. The end products were quite thick, solid and somewhat, well, large. One rather overenthusiastic offering was greeted with a "hell no!" from Boy Wonder. The next thing to do was to actually practice. I had originally intended that we would perform anal fucking with the dildos but a combination of size, cold and time limitations meant this would be impossible - the show needed to be under five minutes and so with the scene setting plus various comedy chase sequences and efforts to convince the coy boy to accept an icy paramour. We settled on fellatio as a compromise, plus it would enable me to offer ice sucking to audience members.

I was actually rather nervous come the time to perform, partly because this was my first outing as a top for a stage show, previously I'd been the bottom which meant that once the actual activity started mostly I just had to scream the house down and try not to kick Ringmaster in the head as I struggled. This time I was controlling what was happening when and it was a show I'd devised myself, so I felt both more responsible for the performance and more concerned about what could go wrong (usual performers nerves including "what if the audience just stare blankly at me like I'm a weirdo?"). My nerves were compounded by the fact that my show was sandwiched inbetween actual cabaret performers of some note and talent. Between Dusty Limits and Rex Denial there was no space for my usual complaint that all scene performances are either rubbish or boring or both - the thing, alongside my exhibitionist urges, that led me to start performing myself.

Once lined up and ready to go on stage, wearing mostly clingfilm, silver body paint and fetching elf ears, my nerves vanished. The crowd was friendly, supportive and grinning from ear to ear following a lovely introduction by the delicious Polly Pandemonium, founder of KSL. They got into the swing of things, probably because of the pantomime nature of what I was doing, and there were plenty of volunteers to suck my icicle and lots of applause and laughter once the retro stylings of Vanilla Ice followed on from my liberal applications of fairy glitter.

I was really happy with the reception, and am going to spend 2011 looking for more performance opportunities, so do drop me a line if you have any suggestions.