Ten and I are in negotiations. Technically, we're probably past negotiations and into actual play, given that he's just been relieved from his 48hrs of no cock-touching - which went very well and has highlighted a lot of personality points about him that I was hoping I could riff off. More on that later. For now, a sticking point that means he isn't currently chained to my bed.
Hair. Specifically body hair. I hate it. I hate my own and other people's is far, far worse. I've always been repulsed by male fuzziness (and women's too, I just have seen a lot less of that). Initially, this was one of the points that made me think I might be gay - the little "yuk" I got from seeing a man undressing and all that unkempt, ugly brillo pad curliness spilling everywhere. Hairy shoulders, chest, genitals, bottom. I shudder at the thought of it. Too much fur and not enough smooth skin, which for me, means sex. To be waxed is to be properly naked and revealed in all your glory. I'll admit to a personal preference. I'm sure there are those who want the hair and can reel off hundreds of reasons for it being sexy. I can't. Mentally I'm reaching for the scissors. Frankly, I don't even like long hair on a man. Strangely, it's got nothing to do with whether I'm top or bottom. From both perspectives I crave that bareness, that access: I find myself wondering how am I mean to have a decent CBT session or give good head if I'm constantly pushing pubes out of the way.
I find myself therefore at an impasse. Ten has refused to be shaved. And not in a "chase me chase me" way, but in a foot-down, this is unacceptable and makes me really unhappy way. He explained himself very well, in a long apologetic note. For him, the hair is his masculinity, and he would not feel himself without it, not sexual, not a man. And in part, that's kind of the point. There is a strength inherent in the fur of maleness. Like Samson, it's a sign of virility, of masculinity and with that the "caveman" sense of dominance, and this sits badly (for me) with being dominated. Not only is it something I particularly want which he cannot give to me, which is a crying shame given our other levels of connection, but also it is something which marks him out, to me, as still emulating the alpha male stereotype.
I want to tear that down. Not because I want to make him less of a man, rather I want to make him feel more, but different. I want the sensation of disempowerment, of symbolic sapping of strength.To physically alter him with a minor (to me, major to him, really) body-shock that will let him look at himself anew. Yes, it will be a power-exchange, I fully intend to bring him down so that I can build him up. Most of all, because I just want to run my fingers over bare skin. I like the androgyny of it as well as the obvious transformation - the fact that he wouldn't be a bog-standard fuzzy male, but a beautiful and smooth sex object. I also like that we would match. Both of us would be perfectly smooth. Which makes me wet just thinking about it - for anyone who has not had completely bare, waxed down to the epidermis sex I advise you to go and do it now.
I'll admit to being torn. Obviously, the standard dominant response is that it's my way or the highway. There's also a part of me that knows because it's something he's obviously got strong feelings about it is therefore a big red button that I want to push and feel unhappy that I can't. I could just walk away. But that doesn't mesh exactly with my own feelings for him or of how I want my D/s to operate. People should feel able to say "no", because otherwise I'm playing with doormats, which is boring; or people who can't speak up for themselves, which is dangerous. I want my submissives to be able to talk about their concerns and worries and know that I will listen and respect their boundaries. I also don't want to tread to heavily on his own sense of self or self-worth, that's not something I'm interested in eroding or harming, far from it. And I know that body-image is a big part of that. There's another aspect of my dominance which wants things to be offered up, rather than having to force them from someone. I'm keen to help people down paths that they are scared to tread, but keen to try. I don't actually want to make them do anything they really, really don't want to. I'd rather carefully peel back the layers one at a time. Just one more stroke of the crop, one hour longer without orgasm and so on. A helping hand that pushes you farther down. Taking just a little bit more than you thought you could give, because you are better, stronger and more beautiful than you had thought. And then, you will be grateful.
Being a switch means I can mentally turn the tables - I know how I'd feel if someone asked me to grow body hair (blech). I'd hate it, I'd feel ugly and unsexual and grumpy, to say the least. I can therefore empathise. I still don't have to like it. And I don't. Which takes me into what I desire and how not getting exactly what I want sits with my feelings on dominance. There's a couple of personal worries on the Domme front with this. The first is, whether I'm being a "proper" dominant if I accept something I don't like in order to get other things I do. This seems like compromise. I can probably brush this off in the knowledge that I've been called not-a-proper-submissive enough times to deal with it from the other sides. And anyhow. I'm a switch. The second is whether we have now made it into a bigger deal than it should be: me by wanting it, him by refusing. Yes, I prefer my men smooth, however he isn't unattractive to me in his current state - he'd just be nicer de-fuzzed. That's harder to sound out. Finally, I'm never keen on making ultimatums as I have a tendency to come out of them empty handed, which is odd as I usually end up making them, but rarely over something like this.
Being calculating about it, I know that currently it's the only serious thing in the "con" column of continuing to engage with him. He's got promise, and then some, clearly there's a terrible pervert in there longing to be taken out - which is very attractive. And that's before I've taken into account his attentiveness and skills at bringing me to orgasm. I'm thinking it over.
5 weeks ago