What with one thing and another I seem to be entering into a dominant phase. This works pretty well for me as I've been wanting to get a broader balance of kinky activities at the moment, so a new period of exploring could be just what I need. And frankly, there are some attractive and doe-eyed men, including Ten, appearing on the horizon, so it would be churlish to refuse. Another quite big part is a natural change in my mood and outlook, revealing desires that haven't been satisfied in a while. Plus I am a switch and thus reserve the right to be complicated.
Now seems a good time to have a discussion around being a switch, as I think that my dominant side is the part I talk about a lot less, probably due to my major partners being dominant. Dominant desire is something that, like my submissive desire, only reveals itself in response to certain people. It's a form of attraction, I suppose, but it's not just a simple "you are hot", in my mind's eye, when I look at someone it's almost as if a little light is flashing above their heads with hurt me written on it. Addictive and unavoidable as the cakes in Alice in Wonderland, you have to reach out for it. So, time to reach out and get a handle on this desire less talked about.
A lot of what I want when I'm on top is driven by the same internal processes and my submission. I like to be beautiful, praised, lavished with attention and pampered. I like to experience pleasure and to witness the effect I have on others, to make them hot, horny and full of desire, leave them content and happy. Wanting more. I want to be special in their lives, even in only a small way, but a way unique to me. I like to have an impact. Make heads turn when I enter a room, and to make them feel proud to be with me, better for being involved with me. I want to go on a journey, an adventure with them, find out new things and to be able to discuss it later. Maybe share what we learnt with others, or keep some bits secret and just for us.
That's the context, the tone of what I want from any partner. It links in with previous thoughts on relationship style The content will likely vary, just as the types of submission I've enjoyed have varied depending on the likes and dislikes of the person I was with. It's been a while since I've played extensively on top, I'll admit, but already my mind is flooded with all sorts of ideas and scenarios. Ten and I are swapping notes back and forth. Because he's never really played before, I'm happy to take it fairly slow and there will be natural breaks between dates due to our life schedules. I'm also aware that he's new (and currently far away) so I don't want to dump a load of info on him when I don't have a date set for a show and tell.
This is usually the first thing I'll do with any partner. It's something I always enjoy, because I get to combine my love of kink with my love of flexing my knowledge. We'll get together and we'll go through some kit. If we have a day of it, we might go out shopping first and pick out some things together - I always think it's nice to have pieces that are specific to a certain person, and I particularly like getting submissives to pick out something to be used on them later. Only themselves to blame, you see. Certainly, there are things I might steer them towards - my own personal favourites. Ball gags have already been mentioned, as has being strapped down and shaved (I'm also thinking about this as an on all fours, doggy style in the bath scenario). This is important - as Milady once put it "civilisation starts with a shaved man". Ten is currently uncertain about this, which makes it more attractive, of course.
Which leads on to the areas that distinguish my dominance from my submission. The desire to make people do things that make them nervous, afraid, humiliated or pained. Anticipation is a large part of it, so I like long-standing rules or prohibitions. Orgasm denial, behaviour patterns, modes of speech. Warming them up to the event ahead. Which will be designed to push buttons. Partly it's about getting a reaction, but the big part for me, the part that makes me feel on top of the world, is taking them through something that was difficult, breaking them a little perhaps, but always having their trust and desire for me holding them together. Coaxing them along in their submission to me. Helping them get what they want, and giving them new things to want and ways in which to want them. To want me.
THE FEMDOM ROPE DOJO: SHIBARI PARTY
3 weeks ago