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The online diary of an ethical pervert.

Saturday, 17 July 2010

Remote control

Had someone told me a year or so ago that training a newbie submissive male using long-distance communication could be fun, I'd have probably given them a bit of a wide berth. After all, I'm a hands-on person. I like to touch and feel and smell. To see the look on someone's face, hear their moans and pants. Deliver punishment and reward. I could certainly see the intellectual value in remote teaching, and my love of words would make a "correspondence course" interesting, but I am not sure I would have ever considered it anything more than superficially erotic - like reading porn, it is essentially masturbatory with the only genuine interaction taking place in my own head.

As I said, that would have been my attitude before. I am surprising myself with quite how much I enjoy being engaged in only a very limited capacity. The relationship I have with Ten operates through emails and texts.
This is to some extent a function of our lives - we don't have time to see each other with any sort of regularity, but we were both keen to keep contact and explore the new-found feelings within him.

We generally intereact each day, usually a few texts then perhaps a longer email every few days. I have set him a series of controls on how he can attain orgasm, and he sends over written reports in with how he is doing. It gives us both a lot of space: our connection is only very loose and therefore easy to manage (for me certainly, but I don't have the constant reminder of not being able to masturbate, instead I have the satisfaction that far away, someone is doing something for me - quietly in the background). Sometimes he will ask questions or seek clarification. It's a very reflective process, for both of us - I am encouraging him to develop and consider his own submission and in turn he will say things that pique my curiosity and my dominance. I am, in a certain sense, a free form teacher performing remote experiments on an unseen subject. I try and offer interesting things to do, draw him out on what he means and use his responses to decide what buttons I might like push next.

This way of behaving gives me a very particular type of control which is text and task based, focusing on him performing actions and then describing his responses. I never call him and would be rather surprised if he called me. Generally, this is how I prefer to interact with people anyway: email and text are my preferred contact methods. I hate the phone and only tend to call people for personal reasons is if it's an emergency or I am anxious to resolve a situation right then and there. I prefer things written down, especially because I can refer to them later, which feels academic - another thing I rather enjoy. I think it's only natural that my dominance is very linguistic. It is an extension of how I enjoy being normally, and when I am able to extend my own preferences in terms of interaction to someone else it is satisfying to get obedience not just in terms of what they are doing, but how they are doing it.

This situation is workable only because of a number of particular circumstances, I doubt it would be appropriate for anyone else. First, we have a longstanding connection of long distance, low input interaction which has gone on for years. Every now and then he would get in touch, a little reminder that he existed and had once occupied a space in my life. There was power even then, in knowing I was still on his mind even after so long had passed. This gives us both the kind attitude towards each other that can enjoy this situation: we have no expectations of each other, we are comfortable being far apart and mediating the situation through language only - I imagine that there are occasional moments of frustration, certainly on his side, but that adds to the satisfaction, that he is able to keep control without me being there.

This leads on to the next point, which is a vital one - I trust him to do what I ask, to follow my instructions. I sent him a little butt plug in the post (alongside lube, because I am kind) as an accessory for his masturbation - I'm building him up slowly to anal sex - and he's sent me a lovely report on the subject, which I found a serious turn on: I don't know whether it was the sensation or the knowledge that I was doing something kinky, but my cock became extremely hard at this point. I think that it is the combination of his obvious enjoyment of the process, alongside the fact that I am able to take him to these places without even being present. It makes me feel powerful, that my instructions are having such a deep and long-reaching effect and that I can extend my presence so far with so little effort and input. A shadow falling over him, nothing seen by anyone else, only remarkable when I bring it to mind, but there nonetheless. A little satellite, light blinking just for me.

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