Self-inflicted levels of sexual solitude have given me lots of thinking time, part of which has been reviewing the ever-present List of Things I Want to do and attempting to match it up to people to do it with. I had a strange moment a day or so ago when The Photographer announced he might be going off to visit Reining-In - I'd say that I felt a pang in my heart but it was more like my cunt. I am in no position to be able to suggest any sort of constraint on his behaviour, I don't want to stop him having fun just because I'm in exile - it was more that I wanted to go along with him, partly to be with him but also because I am getting in the mood for a "serious" play session.
Best to unpick those inverted commas, I suppose. I don't mean that everyone sits (or kneels) about the place being terribly po-faced and that the submissives are blasted into coy subservience by the mighty power of a fully operational Dominator. I mean effort. I mean a good long time devoted to building something up, stretching it out and then bringing it down gently. I mean kit, buckles, rope, leather, gags, hoods, things that plug in (both to bodies and to the mains). I mean extended periods of time not knowing whether it's raining or Tuesday because I'm so spaced out.
There's a couple of riders on that, which I've only just realised. I want play rather than sex. I also want to submit, which is interesting given that recently I've taken solace in topping and the sensation of power and control that gives. Partly I'm looking to fall back into safe hands - into something where I don't need to have much input, and partly I'm looking to be taken places, especially into a deep headspace where I can relax.
I don't especially have anyone or any activity on the radar, as I've been relatively head-down. However, one way or the other I'm going to have to start to get back onto the horse, or into the bridle. It's nice to have my libido back, I have to say, although I get the strong feeling that soon this shoulder tapping is going to turn into some heavy thumping for me to get on with it.
5 weeks ago