Not always a sex thing

The Photographer is not in the best of moods, which has knock-on effects for our sex-life, two good examples occured recently, which gave me pause for thought on how much D/s is a component of our relationship.

On Saturday morning, I took matters into my own hands and started to top him as a way of getting what I wanted (him), I'm usually happy to lie back and let him plant kisses all over me before nudging him down between my legs to lick my clit, something he is exceptionally good at, which he duly did. Albeit in a sleepy-headed morning sort of way. This made something click in my head - it wasn't right, he wasn't responding to me in the right way, the balance of power was off-kilter. He should be more enthusiastic, keen and eager to please. Grateful to be allowed to do so. In short, he wasn't submissive enough and that realisation took the joy out of it for me. It wasn't about the physical process of stimulation, it was about how he was doing it and the dominant part of me, which has been coming out to play more and more recently, wasn't having any of it.

"Go and fetch the crop." He looked up, then complied. I bent him over the bed and fastened a collar and set of wrist cuffs onto him, and started to beat his arse, lighter taps onto his balls and cock, enjoying the way he hardened and started to moan. It was a punishment, probably the first time I've ever delivered one, but more specifically one that felt appropriate - I wasn't doing this because I knew he liked it, but because I wanted to show him who was boss, I suppose. Which paid off for both of us, I think, given that he returned to his duties with renewed vigour, in several sense of the word.

The second instance was last night. I could tell he was fairly tired and fed-up, just wanting to be left to go to sleep, which left me with my libido for company. I didn't want a reprise of Saturday morning, because the dominant mood had left me and I have no intention of making a habit of pulling a dog-and-pony show in order to have sex with him. Saturday was different, I could read that then he was open to being pushed a bit. Last night he wasn't. He confessed to feeling a bit put off or concerned about not being able to meet my demands, which threw me a little. Yes, sex is important to me, but making sure he is happy is more important. Especially within a BDSM context, the D/s is not just a sex thing, It's a me and him thing: it's about me belonging to him, being his, which means looking after him when he needs it. It's the sensations of being his that I want, which is why it's certain types of treatment, play and behaviour that I'll crave rather than sex itself. Which is not to say I could be in a relationship that long term substituted play for sex in its entirety, just that I can often be kept as happy by being tied up for an hour or two.