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The online diary of an ethical pervert.

Wednesday, 22 July 2009


I've been thinking recently about humiliation. It's a kink I'm extremely interested in but have not really had much of an opportunity to explore. There is certainly a strong connection between embarrassment and sexual arousal, I remember that some of my earliest sexual fantasies revolved around images of personal humiliation, of having my clothes torn, of verbal abuse and of having water or paint thrown on me. Alongside being tied up and then thrown outdoors.

The idea of humiliation is exciting, it makes me nervous, edgy and very turned on. It's at the edge of want / don't want and that excites me too. Doing something that is distasteful, potentially upsetting, that I don't want to do, but want to be made to do, not because it hurts, but because it hurts my pride, cuts to the quick that sense of being me, of being in control. Being watched whilst doing it. Actions being commented on. The watching and the comments are important, because humiliation is connected to exhibitionism. There is no humiliation if there is no-one to see, and no-one to point the finger, if no-one thinks what you are doing (or being made to do) is humiliating, if they can't see what you are doing then there is no imbalance of power, no King and no Fool. The Fool is a good metaphor for my views on this - the servant or slave humbling themselves, being made low for another person's amusement. A public service to entertain and amuse.

The particulars of humiliation are very, very personal. The activities have to be like Goldilocks' porridge, neither too hot nor too cold but just right.
Because for me it is edge play, and I don't really know where my edges are because I haven't done a lot of this. There are several things that appeal, ideas that make me feel all warm and submissive inside, like boot-licking, grovelling, eating from the floor from a dog bowl. It makes me embarrassed even thinking of it, and that makes me blush, the feeling of blood rushing to my cheeks is almost indistinguishable from the flush of passion when I'm about to orgasm, something squirming deep in my stomach, and in my cunt.

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