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The online diary of an ethical pervert.

Monday, 16 February 2009

Climax in context

Following on from these musings on the female orgasm, I've been thinking about my own. The writer makes a good point about how desire is situated in the mind and that bodies are very sensitive to mood and location. Like her, I find it reasonably (although not very, I must admit) easy to orgasm by myself, but harder with a partner. It isn't about pure mechanical sensation - and it is certainly not about need. A recent experiment on just how long I could go without having an orgasm collapsed after a mere 36 hours, although for a woman who masturbates twice a day, I consider that a substantial achievement, and the orgasm that I did have after the delay tactics was very powerful. Self-denial is not a strong point, however, and I think that for a longer time period I might require some outside input, but that's for another day.

There are places and situations where I find it harder to orgasm, in public certainly and I have yet to come in a club, for example. Newness plays a part, I suppose, so new partners and new places can also put me on guard. I can be a creature of habit, when I masturbate I almost always in a specific place (my bed) and I need to be on my front, legs slightly spread. I am also right handed in this act and only this. I have, in the past, been able to orgasm on my back but this is a rarity and usually caused by being unable to turn onto my front.

Certain frames of mind make it easy for me to orgasm, and others make it nigh on impossible, regardless of the type and quality of physical stimulation. When I am topping The Photographer I can press his face to my cunt where he can lick my clit and bring me to very spectacular, body-shaking orgasm. I am totally relaxed, totally in control and the only thing there is for me to do is lie back and enjoy the sensation. In a sense the way in which I use him is similar to the experience of masturbation, except with the added bonus of less effort combined with the joy of uncertainty: whilst I am in charge of the experience I don't direct every single motion of his tongue so unlike when I play with myself the stimulation is slightly unpredictable, which further allows me to get carried away.

So that's the easy orgasm-with-partner. Now the more difficult one. As a submissive and slave, my pleasure is orientated towards that of my partner, I focus on what they want, what pleases them and what turns them on. Their responses are primary, mine secondary. From this I derive pleasure (emotional as well as physical) but not climax, especially given that a lot of the activities are themselves less likely to bring me to orgasm such as penetrative sex and blowjobs. I get horny, and I get wet, in short I get ready to orgasm, but don't. Which in and of itself is a pleasing submissive response, and I always have a touch of guilt on those rare moments when for one reason or another, I orgasm before they do.

Certain sorts of play also affect my ability to orgasm. Although I enjoy pain play, especially flogging and particularly flogging on areas such as the cunt and arse which make me very stimulated I do not climax, I feel like I might do, at any moment, and the pleasure builds until it is too frustrating, too sore or I am just too tired to continue. I hold my body in a taut beam of tense muscle, to no avail. Part of this is the complexity of the stimulation, I think, the balance of pleasure and pain is a little too much to be able to ease into orgasm, although another aspect might be that because I never have reached orgasm this way I do not believe I can, therefore I am unable to. The same block is probably there with respect to penetrative orgasm, something The Photographer and I are working on - even with clitoral stimulation I have never been able to come with him inside me, whilst on my back or side. We're still trying though. Practice makes perfect, and all that.

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