Read all about it

The online diary of an ethical pervert.

Monday, 2 August 2010

My rules, his body

Ten is under orgasm control. It isn't, to my mind, a particularly difficult sort of orgasm control - he's as likely as not to achieve orgasm whilst following the rules - but I don't want to do anything difficult long distance: I want to save serious deprivation and sexual control for when he is here and I can reap the benefits. For the moment, I need rules that don't require me to observe or participate - a lot of this relies on his willingness to be a Good Boy and his own self-control. Additionally our opportunities to meet up are limited and often months apart, so I wanted something that it would be relatively easy to maintain without me and by himself. Finally, I'm conscious that he is new to the scene and to BDSM so I didn't want anything too daunting - I intend to keep playing with him for a long time, so am prepared to be very patient, start small and build up. In fact, that's a lot of the fun - it's a very slow-build project.

The rules exist because I want him to have an ongoing reminder of our connection, and because, simply put, I get off on his submission and denial/restraint is a big thing for a self-confessed impulsive, wilful alpha male. The rules are not random, however, I've chosen them carefully. So, here are his particular rules and what we get out of them.

He can attempt to orgasm twice a day. This is the "normal" number of orgasms that he usually has, or at least, usually had before he agreed to submit to me. I wanted a number he was comfortable with and didn't initially feel would impact too much on his perception of satisfaction - yet. At all other times he must avoid touching his cock and balls except where strictly necessary, and with no more contact than is required to perform the task. This is to remind him of the rules he is under, and also to emphasise that control over his cock and the sensations it can have now belongs to me. I like taking control of an area usually associated with masculine pride and sexual power - there's a slight element of emasculation going on, naturally, but mostly I like that he is often reminded how his pleasure is under my control. He must shave his genital area, he can't masturbate unless he is nice and smooth. Now, this was originally a bone of contention because he was unwilling to loose his manly fuzz, but he has conceded the point and now rather enjoys the ritual of bathing and shaving, he also admitted that his smooth skin reminds him of mine which adds to the pleasure and provides a physical stimulus and tactile connection in my absence. Being smooth, makes him more mine, especially because it is something I want that he was uncertain about, so it is one of the things he has given to me.

That's the prep work - now the actual masturbation itself. He can only do it whilst kneeling, again, an obvious reminder of his submission, but it's also a position I want him to associate with sexual pleasure / frustration and with doing things for me. He must have a butt plug inserted before he can start - initially he was using a teeny-tiny one (I managed to find a "My First Butt Plug" on the internet and posted it to him with his first set of orgasm instructions). This was quite a big leap for him, first because anal play genuinely worried him, and because it was a move into the realm of having things "done to him". It's something that I remain most proud of him for being able to do - and his surprise at his enjoyment was a wonderful thing. I wanted a physical object, and initially thought about a ball gag then decided on a butt plug. I wanted him to "feel" submissive, and one of my drivers for submission is the sensation of being penetrated or of feeling full. I also wanted him to get pleasure from something that (to him) would be strange and unusual and possibly a bit shameful - certainly if caught. We've talked a lot about strap-on sex, because fucking his arse is something I am very keen to do, so this also acts as a reminder and warm-up to that, allowing him to get very familiar with the sensations involved. I like that he is doing this to himself, because it means he is able to take his time and explore properly.

Thus kneeling and stuffed he is almost ready to go. Except one thing. An ice-cube in his mouth. This functions as a timer, a note of unpleasantness and as a partial gag. He can masturbate for as long as the ice remains frozen - once it's gone he has to stop. I like that he must control himself - that's important for my submissive because I want obedience rather than brattishness so self-control is important, also it helps him feel proud of what he has done rather than being a passive participant in things done to him. He has a limited time for the wanking, but as much time as he likes with the plug, hopefully that will allow him to appreciate pleasure and anticipation more than release, but also recognise that release is limited, short and contingent. If he manages to orgasm he must lick it all up. The last rule has no real reason for existing beyond the fact that I find men being forced to eat their own semen hot. And that's a good enough reason, frankly. Plus it encourages tidiness.

Whether he orgasms or not, he must send me a text message to say thank you. Sometimes I ask for a follow-up email report, especially if he mentions that he had a particularly intense or difficult time. He has told me that his orgasms have been extremely powerful since being under these rules, so I'm certainly viewing that as positive: that he is responding very well to them and that they are the right rules for him - both of which makes me feel very satisfied. The only note of sadness is not being able to watch him do it, but his writing is very pleasing to read and re-read: my own personalised pornography collection.

We had an interesting exchange earlier today where he had just experienced a rather frustrating setback with his new plug (in a moment of keen excitement he asked to move up a notch, and he may have gone up a few too many in one go). This is the first time he hasn't been able to follow the rules and it was quite difficult for me as a dominant to not be near him for this. Not just because I know that if I'd been there I would have been able to help him with it and it would have gone in just fine with my "encouragement" but because he felt bad at having "failed" at the task and I wanted to be able to reassure him in person.

The perils of long-distance domination. Fortunately, the rewards continue to outweigh the difficulties.


M said...

Life sounds lovely at the top, ED. This is really hot! What I really like is the symbolism that you've put a lot of conscious and thoughtful effort in creating. To masturbate in only one way, for some might seem a default, but when you dont have a choice to do it in a rather exotic and unusual fashion, makes it all the more sweet.

I don't like the term alpha male, but it does make sense of how a lot of guys have an outlook or approach on everyday life. One of the taboos for (I'm presuming he's) hetero guys is around eating one's own cum. I didn't realise this was a taboo until i saw a few hundred hours of pornography ( and pornography bloopers where it was considered a faux pas to eat cum).

Apparently, among civilised guy conversations' I've had on issues of masturbating, sexing etc; eating your own cum is seen as abhorrent and deviant. The irony of the men's magazine culture is while it seems to celebrate sex and sexy acts; it really doesn't, it only supports a limited set of actions and eating semen is beyond the pale.

Eating cum is seen in some way as unmasculine by a great many men, I dont know what Ten is like but I'm guessing that he knows of this taboo, perhaps he obeys it. Enjoying anal pleasure is also a taboo, but like many taboos, it can be very sweet and enjoyable to break that boundary against it. I loved in my past relationship when I kissed my partner while she had my ejaculation in her mouth; and we'd share a dirty, intimate, wet, warm kiss together. It was in my mind a little deviant and out of my comfort zone; but the kiss was so beautiful that in more ways than one, I gave myself to her and allowed myself to enjoy the richness of the experience.

I also like how you are making him communicate his experiences. Allowing someone to be articulate about the minutae of their activities can be difficult for the so called alpha male, but that's being presumptuous of what Ten is like.

Whether or not he's endowed at expressing his feelings, he's giving away a lot of himself to you, submitting a great deal, to report his feelings in and around his experience of orgasm. It's a really wonderful idea you have. It's like pillow talk by text; and you can read it at any time of the day.

You have a very sexy outlook on things and perhaps that's the most kinky thing of all.


electronic doll said...


Thank you, and yes, life is *good* on top. It's allowed me to take control of many things that had previously required me to rely on others who were not actually giving me what I wanted. Now I just take it, or leave it.

Interested in your thoughts on the term "alpha male" - I used it because it was his words, and therefore expressive of how he feels about himself. What is it about the term that you don't like?

M said...

Thanks for getting back to me (thank RSS feeds that I got to see your comment). Since you asked, I'd reply *start rant*

The notion of an alpha male comes from ethology, the observation of animals. To appropriate animal behaviour to the social order is a very dangerous thing; naturalising social relations and roles for one as if they are natural or somehow essential is tantamount to various interpretations, but most of them aren't so great for equal relations. It is abhorrent to think that seeing females as the child carrier in species that have sexual intercourse would justify patriarchy.

The notion of the alpha male when applied in the casual conversational context is suggestive that some people are genetically predisposed to be leaders or some kind of superior class; that there's one leader over many.

The other prong of my objection to it is that while its fine to say that someone has a domineering, competitive and driven nature about them; it would be limiting to them and the repetoire of their emotions and dispositions.

Everyone can be a leader or have 'alpha'-dispositions at some point, Aeneas as a hero of Rome was also the tragic and pathetic loser of the Trojan war. Its a limited understanding of people to think that they only have one mood. A person with only one set of qualities is also uninteresting in my view.

Of course, I'm not accusing that of your Ten; while he may be a putative alpha male during the day, he's your slave during his special wank time :)

Enjoy it.

electronic doll said...


I get your point, but I think that any phrase or definition is equally limiting. Whenever you call someone X there is a binary linguistic tick that makes us think that therefore they cannot be Y.

I think that whilst most people possess them, leadership traits are more prevalent in some people than others. I don't neccesarily agree that this is an inherent or natural state of being, I think that how someone is brought up plays more of a part, alongside their life experiences. So I'd disagree with your assumption that "alpha male" automatically means a genetic disposition - I think it's much more casual than that in terms of general useage: a descriptor of perceived behaviour and a caricature rather than a piece of evolutionary pyschology.

Phrases like that are more useful in terms of providing understanding of someone and how they tick. Because it was a phrase he used about himself (and a phrase I picked him up on to ask what he thought it meant, which led us on to interesting discussions about masculinity and "natural" male dominance - I'm sure you can imagine where that led) it meant an insight into how he saw himself, and therefore ways I can fuck with that.

However, I totally understand personal objections to the phrase, there are a number of cliches out there which most people wouldn't bat an eyelid to that I find rather worrisome.

Thanks again,