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The online diary of an ethical pervert.

Tuesday, 18 May 2010

My right hand

Time for another post on masturbation, in the wake of many conversations with Captain on the subject. We're talking about my orgasms - how to, how not to, how much and how much is too much. Which means, inevitably, we're talking about wanking.

I have a lot to say on the subject. Starting with the fact that I don't (I have never) reached orgasm by penetration alone and that getting to orgasm in anything but one or two very specific positions and situations is very hard, nigh impossible. Untangling the whys and wherefores of this is something I'm keen to continue. I am reasonably sure that habit is a major part of it - I've become accustomed to climax in certain contexts and therefore associate orgasm with those particular movements and scenarios. It's easier to slip into the mindset and to let go, or push myself towards. I usually orgasm alone, which means free from distraction, from other people and other stimulation - I am by myself and with myself and have nothing else to concern me beyond my own pleasure and satisfaction.

During sex or sexual play, I tend to think a lot about my partner - I find it hard to climax if they have not already done so.
I particularly feel the sensation of someone else's orgasm, riding the crest of their wave. The closest I get is by experiencing the build-up to an orgasm but am unable to actually come. It's the latter that really interests me, after all, I'm getting the stimulation, I am physically able to orgasm in other situations, yet there is clearly something about being done to, rather than doing for myself that means I cannot come. I know from past experience that there are two situations in which someone else has made me orgasm, and even these are rare and not guaranteed. The first is fairly obvious, I assume the position (on my front, legs spread) and they mimic what I do, substituting my fingers for theirs. The second is oral sex, which usually takes forever and sometimes I can be too wet, too tired and too over-sensitive before I actually come. The latter produces a very different sort of orgasm - longer, deeper and much more powerful, in contrast to the delicacy of the sensation that produced it.

Captain has asked to be notified whenever I am going to masturbate, which means late night text messages and the odd one in the morning. Sometimes he sets a remit: number of orgasms, which hand to use, whether to take my time and tease or go for broke. I like sending him those little notes, status reports that acknowledge his control and my response, part of it is feeling cared for and attended to, another part is about having someone else participate in my long, drawn out experiments with my challenges with orgasm. Finally, I like rules. They give me operating parameters, which are reassuring, make me feel safe, wanted, a part of something. This request (order?) is clearly the start of something and I'm interested to see where he's going in terms of control and management.

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