One of the things that The Photographer and I are working toward is for me to be able to achieve orgasm whilst he is using me. We are both keen for the main way for me to achieve release is via his pleasure, rather than masturbation. When he's using me, a lot of the sensation I experience feels as if I'm riding the waves of his sensations - and that contributes to my submissive state, which in turn makes me more stimulated, more turned on. A virtuous circle, of sorts. So theoretically it should be easy: that in combination with the fantastic sex that we already have should make it simple for me to orgasm through penetration alone.
However, there are a number of mental and physical blockers on vaginal orgasm for me, first and foremost because I have never achieved it before. I'm not sure how to to it. I'm also not sure whether I can or not: the various literature and information I've absorbed that indicate it is something that some women can never do, perhaps I am one of them? Another is that I feel guilty or remiss in having an orgasm when he hasn't, and finally, because I am concentrating on his pleasure, how he is feeling it is sometimes a little difficult to let go in the way that is necessary for orgasm.
Worries aside, it is a fantastic thing to be practising hard at. I love penetrative sex - I love the feeling of him inside me, of the physical connection, the sense of muscles being pushed aside, nerves being pressed and stroked. As a submissive, I enjoy being fucked, pure and simple - in opening up, holding my cunt open for him and being there for him to be used. Over the weekend we tried a number of positions, different depths and angles of thrust. We didn't get there, but we got closer than I ever have before. And I'm looking forward to trying again in a little while.
5 weeks ago