Repeated actions, within similar contexts cause learned reflexes to develop in the brain. Unusual associations triggered by stimuli, especially when the situation in which the action occurs is particularly powerful. Traumatic events can lead a person to develop a phobia or other type of irrational response to an otherwise benign activity. Touch links to thought, and back again. Bring the thought of cold to mind and you might get a shiver. The body remembers, a palette for the brain, muscle memory painted on.
Any sort of direct touch to my cheek makes me think of The Photographer slapping me in the face. During play a while back, Shuttered Lens patted my face roughly, muttering "good girl" and whilst I leaned into his palm to absorb the praise and the sensation a thought fluttered through my mind - he shouldn't be doing this. I'm starting to wonder what other types of conditioning link my mind to my body within BDSM play: do I salivate at the thought of a gag, or relax when I bring the feeling of tight bonds to mind?
New rules are being inscribed upon me as I play. Whilst these rules seem to be ocuring without my formal consent - unlike vocal commands or agreed power relationships these twitches and turns happen unconsciously, as I open myself up to activities and their (often unanticipated) consequences, I consent to the avtivities of course, so therefore the responses are mine to own and cherish. Which I do.
5 weeks ago