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The online diary of an ethical pervert.

Monday, 12 January 2009


The process, as well as the results of animal play are both fascinating and completely different to any sort of submission I've experienced before, it's something that I'm very keen to progress and see where it goes. Knight of Wands has some experience in helping people enter animalistic mindsets through trance, manipulated physicality and suchlike, then exploring those spaces with them. The theory we are working with is that by altering body shape, sensory input and playing around with how I'm interacted with we can build the animal outlook. We've discussed how different pieces of kit could be used to alter physicality - I was very keenly aware that when we last played in this way my hands felt particularly "wrong", I kept bunching them into fists or holding my fingers tightly together. Clearly, I was more comfortable with them as paws.

Naked, collared and cuffed, I lay on the bed whilst he selected the things he wanted to use. I watched as he taped my fingers together and yes, that did feel better, much better. He fixed a gag in my mouth and I started to chew reflexively, exploring the texture of it and moving it a little from side to side. A little later on he put me on all fours and fixed a leather hood in place. As soon as that happened, as I took the first inhalation and smelt the material, I felt my body tense slightly, I moved my face forward and began leading with my head, nose first. It didn't feel as if the hood was a barrier to my experience, but rather was enabling it by shutting out the bedroom and putting me further into the mindset and into my body.

The differences in how I was behaving and responding were very clear and obvious. I was not behaving like a human slave: I was barely thinking and certainly not thinking about the service I was providing, or how he might want me to behave for his pleasure. I was reacting and responding directly and purely to the sensations. I felt very calm and serene, not floating, but extremely comfortable in my skin, which was tingling slightly. I was passive, very horny and wet, but not necessarily submissive. I was absolutely enjoying the feel of him touching and stroking me, arching towards his hands or flexing against him, but there was something else as well.

In my usual submissive state I tend to feel helpless, open and vulnerable, but here I did not. I felt extremely strong, both physically and mentally. I don't generally consider myself to be particularly powerful, however I was keenly aware of my muscles and my body not only as a vessel for sensation but as a tool for interacting with the world. There was a certain sense that I was lying back and enjoying the pain and pleasure as the King of Wands pinched, stroked and bit me, but only for the moment: the impression that at any moment I could turn the tables, should it take my fancy, was very strong. A particular example is when he placed my bound hands onto his chest and pushed slightly, my arms tensed and I pressed back, resisting him whilst dodging his mouth as he tried to kiss me - playful but also aggressive. He mentioned his surprise (and excitement) in that response, and it's something we certainly be looking to explore further. It's possible that I may have found a solution to my problem with what to do whilst in a cage...

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