I had a really good night out with some of the ladies with whom are plotting a women-only dungeon romp in a couple of weeks. I think we may have disturbed and upset the snooty french waiter who was supposed to be attending to us in the restaurant with our discussion topics although maybe he was just naturally that rude. The group was a mix of folk I already knew and had played with before: Hedwig and Painted Lady alongside some people who I knew less well or even not at all (Spiral and Majeste).
The topics were many, varied and wide-ranging. There was the practical - whether or not we wanted to bring knives to the venue, how many different colours of pallet wrap we had between us and who wanted to be top, middle or bottom. Then the philosophical - whether identity, particularly gender and sexual identity was inherent or constructed, whether there was a "core identity", the nature/nurture debate. Then the political - how we defined ourselves and lived our lives as women, as sex-positive, feminist and kinky women, as queers, mothers, child-free, bisexuals, lesbians, "misc" (that's me, by the way).
What really struck me was how quickly and how easily we gelled as a group. I'm almost always nervous about meetings of womenfolk, possibly due to teenage issues at school, and am therefore relieved and gladdened when such an event turns out positive. Everyone was very relaxed and comfortable with each other, almost from the get-go. This meant, amongst other things, that there was an awful lot of honesty flung around, questions asked and answered without fluster or fumble, about the most private of matters. We spoke bluntly about play, what we liked, what we didn't, what worked and what didn't. We spoke about desires and worries. We laughed a lot.
Something that Majeste has really stuck in my head, it was about group dynamics with respect to play and how having a focus on the group, rather than one particular object of attraction, would lead to better play. A more mix-and-match session instead of people paired off with their partners, which is certainly something that has happened to me before. This time, I think it will be very different, not only because the group is comprised of non-couples, but I also think that it will be interesting to see how a group of women play together.
5 weeks ago