After coming home from meeting Painted Lady I couldn't wait to try out the CB2000 so I empty all of the pieces out onto my bed and it's a bit like a cross between a towers of hanoi game and a small piece of IKEA furniture. The bright pink plastic has a very christmassy feel to it and is pleasingly smooth and warm in my hands, putting me in mind of stocking filler gadgets and gizmos. Which makes me worry I will get excited by it for three days then break it, or it will run out of batteries.
I study it for a moment. It's a reasonably complex bit of kit. I've got a cage structure, with a ring at one end which has three holes drilled through it. I've got a number of plastic rings of different sizes which also have three holed in them. They feel like bangles from a toy shop, but with a bit more strength to them. I've got four pins. Two have a little base and a hole in them for a padlock (one longer than the other) these fit in the central hole of the rings. The other two are narrower, they fit in the holes on either side of the central one. I also have some small clear plastic tubes which slip over the pins. And a padlock. That I can work out at least. Hmmm.
I had two problems. First, no instructions. Second, and slightly more important, I had no-one to put it on. Now, I couldn't just leave it lingering in my toy box until Mr Right came along, because I needed to see how it worked, right now. Also, a little part of me suggested that it might be a good idea to play with the thing in private first before unleashing it on some (poor, unsuspecting, innocent, big-eyed) chap without really knowing what I was doing. Safety first and all that. So I did what any sensible single girl would do. I tested it out on a stuffed toy. Oh yes. Fortunately I had a diplodocus handy, whose long neck and stubby front feet had enough of a similarity in shape (if you looked at it from far away and squinted) and, helpfully, plenty of give due to the plushiness. And I could lift and manoeuvre him a lot more easily and with a lot less fuss than a real person.
This knowledge will probably result in absolutely anyone with a grain of sense avoiding any form of kinky contact with me forever, especially if, as it turns out, I've put the damn thing on wrong, but I'm putting the photos up anyway because they made me smile.
For anyone who has a passing interest in how to place a chastity device on a soft toy, there was a certain amount of finicky-ness involved, especially with getting the pins in place. The CB 2000 website has some fairly dull and unhelpful instructions (written in teeny-tiny print and with no pictures) which I think I've managed to follow. I wasn't quite sure how many rings to put on so opted for the little plastic spacer instead, for the look of the thing. I expect that in the real world there might have been some sort of feedback in terms of whether this was comfortable or not which might have helped work out which bits to put where. Additionally, I have assumed that the different sized rings are for different sized boys - certainly not all of the rings could be worn at once, given the length of the pins, though the website does seem to imply that more than one base ring is worn at once.
As it turns out, there is nothing especially satisfying about a stuffed toy in a chastity device, once you've got it in, it doesn't do much and you can pull the whole lot off fairly easily. Not a lot of amusement, beyond the initial fit of giggles. So I guess I'll need to wait for a willing partner. One who doesn't mind that he's second lab rat to a diplodocus. And one who is up for making a "how to put on a CB2000" YouTube video, as that was something I could have done with and feel honour bound to improve the universe by creating one.
That's a brave man indeed.
5 weeks ago