It's all about the timing. I've completely failed to meet up with anyone or to do anything even vaguely kinky over the past few weeks. Misunderstandings over evenings versus daytime scuppered a date (play or otherwise) with Shuttered Lens - I was keen to put myself into a pair of safe hands, especially someone who I knew, whose style of play I understood and who would be ok if I turned up on the evening and went "actually, can I just have a cup of tea?" Sadly, diaries being what they are it didn't turn out, but I'm hopeful for a reschedule. Ditto Kiss Curls who I cruelly abandoned in favour of running away home. I'm feeling a lot calmer now and almost of a mind to venture out in the next month or so, but first I've a lot of people to catch up with.
Painted Lady is selling off some kit and I'm looking forward to taking it off her hands - it's two pieces I've wanted for a long time, a male chastity device (CB2000 in clear pink plastic, to be precise) and a small sized medical straitjacket. One for a boy and one for me. I am very much looking forward to using both of them and also to have a decent chat with her, as we haven't met up in a while. I heard on the grapevine that she has a new boy and I'm intrigued (nosy) to find out how that's been going. Similarly Milady and I are trying to meet for a coffee/dinner/whatever. My social diary, once I get it going again, is looking to be very girl heavy. Which is perhaps not a bad thing.
I've been bouncing the odd memo back and forward on various dating sites but I'm not particularly raring to go and meet new people just yet, although I may well feel brave enough to attempt a coffee, but nothing more, with a young man who has been sending me charmingly personal insights into chastity play. Chastity pushes all my possessive buttons, as well as being wonderfully aesthetically pleasing - something precious kept locked away, just for me. At the moment, it's still very much an activity that exists in my head - the sort of ongoing support that kind of relationship requires is a little beyond me at the moment. However, I am starting to see a point where it might be feasible. Certainly I know that once I have the kit in my hands I'll be itching to try it out as soon as possible, the question is, on who?
You see, I have a problem. I still don't particularly want to fuck anyone except The Photographer, and although the urge will eventually rise above the anxiety (because otherwise my head will explode, I'm certainly not used to going this long without any form of BDSM) I am still very twitchy about the idea, which means I'm cautious in my online activities - I don't even want to raise the suggestion of potential mutual nakedness with someone else. So far, so normal. I'm seeing him for dinner on Saturday, I don't know what my response will be or where we will end up. I'm nervous. I don't want to get hurt, don't want to feel like a fool and certainly don't want to feel like we're going to start bashing our heads against the same brick wall again. I know that, as things stand, we do not have a future.. But equally, I don't want to not see him, certainly active avoidance is more stressful for me and of course, I miss him and want to see him.
5 weeks ago