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The online diary of an ethical pervert.

Sunday, 6 February 2011

"Just" sex

Assisted by Spirit who is attempting to "corrupt" me into the ways of group orgies and stranger sex. I went along to the AbFab swingers club on Friday night, and she acted as tour guide. I've been to a couple of swingers clubs before, but usually on their fetish/BDSM nights and because they were the only play club in town. Since moving down to London I've been spoilt for choice between clubs and house parties, so haven't felt the need to venture into those territories.

One of my things to do for 2011 was group sex and anonymous fucking. To date, I've had fifteen sexual partners, that is, people I've fucked or been fucked by. I've never had sex with more than two other people at the same time and have not really experienced the fleeting affair of a one night stand. I wanted to test out where my tastes lie these days, especially with the more grabby, toppy mentality I have. I know I enjoy sex as part of my kink, but what about as a sole activity?

Generally I fuck - or more often than not masturbate following play or sexualised BDSM activities. I haven't "just" had sex for a while, and certainly I select partners to play with rather than neccesarily have sex with. But I know people, Spirit in particular, as well as Dandy and Captain who really enjoy just finding someone and fucking them. I feel almost as if I have a very good understanding of kink and fetish, but only a limited knowledge of sex. It's only in the past few years that I've really become aware of how my body works and understanding its (my) needs, responses and desires. I wondered whether I could enjoy the pure physicality of sex without the intellectual or formal set up of a D/s scenario or the straps, bonds and pain of play.

By the time the evening rolled round I was nervous about what was going to happen, it was exciting to feel the flickers of anticipation in my stomach over something new and yet undiscovered. I think that the idea of going out to find someone to fuck was the most curious sensation. There was a thrill of the hunt, combined with a worry about attractiveness or quality. I suppose that I am so used to knowing who I will be fucking or playing with in advance of a night out - and often going to clubs with them. In this case it would be a complete stranger, who I would probably never see again. A body. We got ready at her house in a strange variation of a Girls' Night Out: make up, dance music, lube, dildos. We took some MDMA, which I haven't had in a while but soon recalled the familiar and deeply pleasant tingling sensations: I much prefer chem to alcohol for nights out and have had some very good experiences of both sex and play. I had managed to locate my one pair of high heels, used for doll play and bondage, and one dress that was sufficiently "sexy" by vanilla assumptions (it turns out I have no skirts or skimpy tops that aren't rubber or PVC which was deemed too scary).

We arrived and staff were very friendly and welcoming, put our stuff in the lockers and went on a tour - Spirit knew the place quite well and had been giving me advice on what we might do on the taxi there. The venue itself was not quite what I'd anticipated. I think I was expecting a sort of hotel, instead it was a large complex that had many rooms, public and private, a swimming pool and a rather cute dungeon created from converted stable areas. The entire thing was connected by various covered walkways. We walked around and attempted to gauge the crowd. It was generally older than we were, and we were the only two women together, the mix seemed to be mostly single men, with some couples. Eventually, and after a good-humoured chat about my fussiness over appearance, we spotted a likely looking chap, very much my type - broad shouldered, muscular and with good skin. We chatted briefly, then Spirit did a quick negotiation, not entirely unlike a pre-play chitchat, and headed to one of the public rooms.

A crowd of around nine or so people gathered, some of them very close: one strange, smiling man had to be swatted from stroking my naked shoulders. It was strange to have voyeurs who were looking at our bodies rather than the sort of play we were doing. It felt pornographic, and a little sleazy if I'm being honest. Not uncomfortably so, and in many respects it felt exactly right. We fucked, in a variety of arrangements, and in different spaces: the room, a pool, a private room where Spirit used a strap-on to DP me and we could watch the resulting shapes in the mirror on the ceiling.

I'm actually struggling somewhat to describe the experiences without sounding like I'm damning with faint praise.
It was very easy. There was no nervousness but equally, there was no adrenaline - I didn't feel on edge or cresting any particular wave. Which in and of itself was pleasurable. It was strangely relaxing actually, and it was good but I guess it lacked the intensity and connection of BDSM. I did find myself overlaying D/s connotations over the whole night, but perhaps because I am kinky that it just going to happen wherever I am, and especially in a sexual context. I really loved having Spirit with me: we're becoming very good friends and I felt that night we shared an adventure, bonding. Plus I like fucking / being fucked by her in that no-nonsense style she has, where a half grin turns the right hand corner of her mouth upwards into a smirk. I liked that we had selected a man from the offerings, it didn't feel precisely empowering, but it did feel in control, and perhaps appealed to my dominant nature. The admiring glances we got were pleasant but I suspect that if any two women were naked at that point, there would have been the same amount of goggled-eyed attention. There was a certain sense of being the entertainment, but again that had a controlling aspect to it - we decided who we were fucking, where and how. We asked him what he wanted one or two times but generally he went where he was put. It's likely that I called him a "good boy" but I can't remember whether I did or not. Reflex.

He had a good manner to him and I did enjoy his body: strong arms and well-built pecs that were nice to touch or lean against. He had a big cock, which was a pleasant surprise for both of us.
He worked up a sweat, I quite like the smell of fresh, male sweat, the effort and implications of it. He was gentle, considerate and powerful in equal measure, although to be honest by the time they penetrated me, especially once we'd gotten to the DP, I was only paying scant attention to the precise realities of the experience - the next day I actually had to be reminded of that moment and it was only the memory of looking upwards into the mirror and seeing her behind me as I fucked him from on top. Moments flickered into moments and the night is now a string of vignettes in my mind. Pool. Dungeon. Corridors.

I let go, in a way I haven't done for a long time. There was no pressure to perform. Just an enjoyment of bodies. Bottoming out and sinking into my own world of slightly abstracted flesh: floating in myself and at the end of my buzzing nerve receptors. High, yes, and enjoying that, but calm and blissed out. There was not much kissing, or foreplay
between him and myself, though plenty between myself and Spirit which reflected our connection. He was there because we wanted to be fucked. Myself in particular. I was looking to be physically exhausted and worn out by the effort of it and to by able to fall into the black hole of tired sensation. I didn't want the paraphernalia of "making love" or the end point produced by orgasm. Those are private things that had no place here.

Later, we chatted over tea from Styrofoam cups, sharing a little more about our fetishes and predilections. He had a glint in his eyes which made me peg him for a submissive, especially when later we discussed water sports, but that might just have been me overlaying my own desires upon him. Which perhaps he was doing to us. I left happy, with a glow probably equal parts exercise and E, and feeling as though I'd really accomplished part what I set out to do I was very satisfied with that as a start.

1 comment:

zoecb said...

Thanks for linking to and in a way reviewing that club! It looks awesome, I'd very much like to try it. What's the crowd like in terms of age groups and looks?

I'm amazed you can fuck on MDMA btw - it's a satedness drug, it always makes me feel too happy for sex, I just want to dance, sex doesn't feel energetic enough...