Perverts, as I've said before, are in many ways a subset of geeks. We like strange things, with peculiar names, we spend a lot of money on mysterious sounding and looking "kit", we like the colour black, bandy together in groups to teach each other outre activities and go to odd clubs in odd outfits whilst people give us odd looks on public transport.
Codes and safe spaces are important to geeks and perverts alike. Ways of naming things that make sense to people that are "in the know" and indicate that these things, these places are safe for "people like us". The codes, and the places, are chosen in particular ways, depending on their use.
Recently, I've been looking for a new place to live and have finally found one. I'm in the very happy situation of (finally) being able to have a place just to myself, which means I can select location and all kinds of other details based on exactly what I want - within reason, and budget. Naturally, what I really want is a warehouse conversion apartment with a huge glass wall overlooking the Thames, brick walls and a series of iron girders to tie people to. For the moment and until I have made my fortune in this gold-paved city, I get the one thing every pervert really, really needs.
Domination relies on you being able to exert and manage control. Control of environment is key to giving a safe (regardless of whether it seems safe or not) space for all kinds of play. Simple things like managing temperature, music, where the furniture is, how the kit is laid out, lighting levels. These all create the space for play and having your own place makes all of that much, much easier. In my experience, the harder, heavier and, let's be honest, noisier, the play is going to be, the more privacy and the more control you need to maintain over what's around you. It also means that you can be a bit more adhoc, if suddenly you feel the need to drag a naked submissive, kicking and screaming to the bathroom to drench them in icy water, you can.
Knowing you are alone in a space can instantly make you feel relaxed, and it's much easier to deliver a good scene if you feel relaxed. When you have a place to yourself it can become "yours", and the sense of ownership and singular ownership at that is something that benefits the dominant persuasion - we like having things to ourselves, like cats with cream. The worry about being interrupted - whether it's someone just knocking on the door to see if you are OK, or being able to overhear conversations in another room - can be seriously scene-breaking to your concentration, especially if you are trying to maintain some kind of mood. It's one thing to manufacture the belief in your submissive or bottom that they might be interrupted, or suddenly exposed, but you need to have control over that exposure. Further, I think it is unfair and to a certain extent a little unethical to make other people participate in kinky activities if they haven't chosen to. Doing things like having a partner on a lead, or kneeling at your feet when you are watching the television can make life with flatmates uncomfortable. No matter how accommodating, lovely or understanding those flatmates are, ultimately they are not in a D/s relationship with your partner.
And that's even assuming that you have the luxury, as I have had for many years, of lovely, understanding flatmates.
There are other things that perverts need, and whilst looking for a place I have made a reasonable list of them. Windows and outdoor areas that aren't overlooked, as few and far neighbours as possible (having people call the police is never good, and the human ear is very well attuned to the noise of other people in pain), strong floors and sturdy ceilings, easily cleaned flooring, good water pressure, interesting cupboards that can be locked from the outside, lots of storage space for all that kit, landlords that are very "hands off", access to the centre of town for clubbing and ease of returning in a taxi. Security is also important, partly because it's always nice to feel safe, but also because it gives a good look and feel to the place. Nothing says "pervert" quite like locks, bars and chains.
I've lucked out and managed to find a place on the top floor of a building that has no other flats in it, and is on the end of a block. I have my own metal gate, then a door which leads up my own private stairwell and to another door. The windows overlook rooftops. Over here in Kinksville, there is something of a naming convention with our places of residence, that they all have their own little code names to indicate their particular flavour and style of perversion, such as The House Of Rope (THOR). No prizes for guessing who lives there.
So, it is with a happy, and heady grin, looking forward to luring people over for days and nights of terrible things, that I can announce I've got a Citadel Of Kink. Or COK, for short. No sniggering at the back...
...oh, go on then.
THE FEMDOM ROPE DOJO: SHIBARI PARTY
3 weeks ago