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The online diary of an ethical pervert.

Saturday, 20 August 2011

Subconscious sitcom

A comedy interulde, of sorts. Sometimes I have a very clear and well defined interior dialogue. Today, for example, it went like this:

Brain: (looks over top of newspaper) Oh, there you are, Heart, old chap. You gave me a bit of a fright. Is everything alright?
Brain: Hmmm. Interesting. Where have you been?
Heart: (whilst eating an alarming amount of chocolate) Behind *scrunch scrunch* the sofa *scrunch scrunch* for the past TWO YEARS!
Brain: Ah yes, it has been a while, hasn't it? Not to worry.
Libido and I have been keeping each other company.
Libido: (looks up from pictures of abs on Fetlife) Say what now?
Heart: You are both BASTARDS! You have been IGNORING ME! I got BROKEN! It was AWFUL! And now I need ATTENTION!
Libido: Eh? But I have two lovely partners who think I'm brilliant and give me lots of satisfaction on many levels.
Brain: Yes. Also I'm spending time with amazing friends who are fun, interesting and great to play with.
Heart: Lalalalala! I am not listening. That DOES NOT COUNT because none of these people are my special own thing that I can get all wrapped up and obsessed about to the exclusion of ALL ELSE.
Brain: Yes... now we've been meaning to talk to you about that Heart...
Libido: Ummm. I was hoping to avoid this entirely by having lots of kinky sex instead. Forever. I might leave you two to it, there's Torchwood on and I think boys might kiss.
(Libido exits)
Heart and Brain (together): Libido!
Heart: See? Libido is SELFISH and does not want me to find my TWUE LOVE!
Brain: Shut up Heart, there's a dear...
Heart: You HATE ME! I will SULK! Or KILL MYSELF!
Brain: Now really, come along. The thing is that this love business is very complicated and can't just magically happen. Also, evey time you get into it I seem to sort of "switch off". Which is most disturbing.
Heart:(happily) That is because love is the MOST IMPORTANTEST THING EVER!
Brain: Well, certainly it might be nice but I don't think we should get carried away. Remember what happened last time?
Heart: But it was AWESOME when it was good!
Brain: (wistfully) Hmmm. Yes, I suppose it was...
Heart: So can we try again?
Brain: I don't know, Heart. I just think that things are rather good right now and I don't want you to mess it all up by making me go all crazy or falling in love with someone incompatable or that you can't actually have or any of that kind of nonsense you tend to do.
Heart: PLEASE? I am lonely. I know you are too...
Brain: Well, let's see. But I'm going to be watching you very carefully.
Heart: WOO HOO!
Libido: (from the other room, over the sound of the Torchwood theme tune) I don't care as long as the sex is good, kinky and really frequent. With boy kissing!
Heart and Brain (together): Libido!



Mr Fantasy said...

I know where you're coming from. "Sex without love is an empty experience, but as empty experiences go, it's one of the best." - Woody Allen. Follow your dream. Love without sex is tough as well. You need both. Hope you get them.

PleasureSwitch said...

An in next weeks episode Ego retrurns from the Gym.

Max Carnage said...

This should be staged.

Max Carnage said...

This must be staged.