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The online diary of an ethical pervert.

Wednesday, 13 April 2011

Playthings, playspaces and playtime

It's been some time since I last did a proper update so I'm going to try and gather up my thoughts on what's been happening recently. It's been overall very good, aside from the situation with my mother, so good that I've been much more busy doing things than I have had time to write about them. Can't complain.

I'm obviously leaning towards "chocolate box" tactics as a vanilla friend kindly put it, when describing my sex life. Whether or not the sex and candy reference is appropriate, what I absolutely am doing is more people, and a variety of people at that. A lot of them are new (or newish) either to me or to the scene as a whole, so there's a steep learning curve as we discover their bodies. I currently have an interesting spread of boys I play with sporadically and a girl I see quite often.

At the moment, my D/s "core" is fulfilled by Mannequin. I'm fortunate that she is quite so conscientious, well behaved and self-managing, because I don't actually have a lot of free time for kink these days. Someone commented recently via email that they were amazed I got so much done, as it were. She and I work well together, in a way that surprised me by being quite so easy going - I think I'd expected any relationship with another woman to be hard work, but it's quite the reverse. Possibly because of my differing attitudes to boys and girls.

Needless to say, because of our connection - she is absolutely my girl when I think about her - I'm learning a lot more about Mannequin and by association, the style of play that she evokes in me. It's a reciprocal thing, albeit one in which I make the decisions. Like looking at a beautiful painting and deciding where to put it in the house based on its attributes. Currently our play is much "deeper" than anything else I'm doing, which is only right and proper. I'm very comfortable and familiar with her body and so can push her that bit more, that bit further each time we do play.

Then the boys.
It's been commented that I'm harder on boys than girls, as a dominant I am certainly more physically minded with them. I suspect that is in part due to the fact that I know them less well, which leads me down the "top" rather than "dominant" path and makes my play a little cooler and less affectionate - although the whole belle dame sans merci attitude does make me feel pretty damn hot, frankly.

Space plays a part, when I play at my house it creates a certain kind of scene. As I rule, I will never invite new people back to my house. It's a privileged space, and also one in which I ad lib more often, partly because I feel safer and am likely to be there with a plaything I'm more comfortable pressing harder or in curious, unplanned ways. I know that if - to take a random example - I were to spy a large amount of fresh ginger in the shop as I hunted out something for dinner for Mannequin and myself, I could head home, tie her up and insert a carefully prepared piece to entertain me as I cooked. Domestic Goddess, indeed.

When I move outside my own home and use a studio or, better, play in public where I can show off my playthings, I tend to be more planned and orchestrated.
I can also be more removed, or adopt a role that is nastier, less connected to the dailiness of myself. I spent a few hours with Boy Wonder in Captain's studio exploring stress bondage and a lot of strap-on fucking. II found myself wishing for a proper, heavy wooden yoke or set of stocks to deliver the type of endurance play I wanted. In the end I used a metal bar and some rope to spread his arms, placing lit candles on upturned palms then sitting back and enjoying the view. There's a great pleasure to be had in relaxing when someone else is in their own personalised discomfort, and they are going through it just for you. As with the figging, I find that the sort of sadism where you set something up then watch it unfurl is wonderfully decadent.

Sex itself is an interesting one. Every now and then I will feel horny, but I can satisfy this in a number of ways, not least masturbation (I remain my own greatest lover, I'm sure most people are) I am finding that these days I need penetrative sex a lot less than I did a year or so ago - I'm not sure where that is coming from, whether it's because of the dominance, because I'm doing a lot of the fucking (with my hands or with strap-ons) which satisfies just as much though in a different way. It's also perhaps that my sexual desire, always strange and curious, is sated by BDSM. Control works as well as fucking, for example. Denying someone else sex becomes sex in and of itself. I recently played with someone who I knew wanted to fuck me, and I had no real desire to do so, but I did enjoy my power over them, my ability to hurt them. I especially enjoyed the escalation of pain, controlling his movements and positions, but most of all, the power trip that came with the fact that he had come to me to give those things. The physical exertion of hitting him was, for me, akin to the physical exertion and satisfaction of fucking.

And finally, well, I don't want to get ahead of myself, but I am rather looking forward to a hotel booked for next week...

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